When humankind and elvenkind came back into contact, the elves determined human culture to be abhorrent in many aspects and refused to accept it or participate in it. Well, most of them. Xir, however, loved the hair dye and piercings and leather biking jackets, and strove to wear them at every chance. Xe reveled in being the clan’s pariah, influencing the youngest generations xe came across to follow in xir footsteps. Humans were very confused at seeing a troupe of elves with dyed hair, Mohawks, tattoos and piercings strolling down the street in full biking leathers but they opted to say nothing about it. 

The being whirling around the halfway house, singing songs in the Ancient Tongue, took well care of all its inhabitants, many of whom had spiraling horns, cloven hoof, and/or sharp teeth. This was a house for the disgraced, the exiled, and now the Faerie joined the house’s ranks, furious at being so harshly slighted and bitter enough to make xem taste bile. But nevertheless, xe clutched dearly to that babe, even though it was that very child that had gotten xem exiled at all. The warmth in that babe’s eyes soothed the Faerie’s rage, at least temporarily.

“Why are you helping me?”

“Because I can? Why shouldn’t I?_

“Haven’t you ever died for something before?”

“No? I’m still standing here, aren’t I?”

“Oh right, I forgot your kind were like that.”

“Employees are great conversation partners! They’re like a captive audience.”

“As a retail worker – if you even think about dumping your life story on a cashier again, I’m going to feed your liver to the next seagull I find.”

“You don’t look like you’re paying attention.”

“I’ve been standing in the same spot for an hour and a half. I’d struggle to pay attention to a bomb right now.”

“So, I may have made a slight miscalculation.”

“‘Slight miscalculation’ like forgot to set the timer and the biscuits are probably burned or ‘slight miscalculation’ like we’re all going to get blown to high heavens if we don’t drop everything and fix it right now?”

“Welllll…”

“I am tired, I am gay, and you can tear my cringey, terrible jokes from my cold, dead hands.”

“Fuck.”

“What? What is it? Is there something on the radar?”

“No, I ran out of yarn.”

“How the hells did we end up here? I mean, I’m not complaining,” complained the chosen hero. “But I’m really not cut out for babysitting.”

“Oh lighten up,” xir partner laughed, cooing at the infant deity in hir arms. “Isn’t this supposed to be the next avatar of your goddex, anyway?”