“Why are you helping me?”

“Because I can? Why shouldn’t I?_

“Haven’t you ever died for something before?”

“No? I’m still standing here, aren’t I?”

“Oh right, I forgot your kind were like that.”

“Employees are great conversation partners! They’re like a captive audience.”

“As a retail worker – if you even think about dumping your life story on a cashier again, I’m going to feed your liver to the next seagull I find.”

“You don’t look like you’re paying attention.”

“I’ve been standing in the same spot for an hour and a half. I’d struggle to pay attention to a bomb right now.”

“So, I may have made a slight miscalculation.”

“‘Slight miscalculation’ like forgot to set the timer and the biscuits are probably burned or ‘slight miscalculation’ like we’re all going to get blown to high heavens if we don’t drop everything and fix it right now?”

“Welllll…”

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“I am tired, I am gay, and you can tear my cringey, terrible jokes from my cold, dead hands.”

“Fuck.”

“What? What is it? Is there something on the radar?”

“No, I ran out of yarn.”

“How the hells did we end up here? I mean, I’m not complaining,” complained the chosen hero. “But I’m really not cut out for babysitting.”

“Oh lighten up,” xir partner laughed, cooing at the infant deity in hir arms. “Isn’t this supposed to be the next avatar of your goddex, anyway?”

“It’s the end of the world, as we know it, and I feel -”

“Like death because I’m stuck working with a bunch of fools, lets get going.”

“My gender is eyeshadow and five o’clock stubble.”