“What’s wrong?”

“What isn’t?” xe frowns “We’re all going to die.”

“We’re not,” ze rolls zir eyes “Don’t be so fatalistic. So the world outside is full of zombies trying to eat us alive. None of us have been bitten yet.”

“About that,” xe says.

“I think,” says the zombie “That when I go somewhere instead of saying ‘hi’ people should say ‘press F to pay respects’ and then they flip me off.”

“Shit,” xe yawns “Ugh, I’m such a zombie in the morning.”

“Dude!”

“Oh,” xe looks guiltily at the zombie “Sorry, I didn’t mean anything rude by it.”

“We good,” says the zombie “You got any grapes? I’m trying to feed my pigeon more fruits.”

“Alive?”

“Am I ever?” asks the zombie “I am, however, animate.”

“How are you feeling?” asks the therapist.

“Dead,” says the zombie “Full of birds. Also I went on a date last night.”

“You’re very sweet.”

“I’m really not.” says the zombie “I taste mostly like decay.”

“You’re letting a pigeon live in your chest and you brought me chocolates. Face it, you’re a marshmallow.”

“I’m a corpse.” The zombie protests, blushing furiously “I’m a corpse with vermin in my chest.”

“Too late, your secret has been discovered.”

“You okay?”

“No, I’m dying,” groans the zombie dramatically “This is clearly the worst thing to ever happen to me.”

corvidprompts:

“You look nice.”

“Thanks,” says the zombie “Did you notice-”

“That you put a bow tie on the ribeon? Yes. I sure did. Nice of you to wear a low cut top so the bird can show off, too.”

it’s date night

“You look nice.”

“Thanks,” says the zombie “Did you notice-”

“That you put a bow tie on the ribeon? Yes. I sure did. Nice of you to wear a low cut top so the bird can show off, too.”

“What’s up?”

“Nothing much.” says the zombie, jamming some grapes down xir shirt for the chest pigeon “Some medical staff want me to come in for some scans because of the ribeon. Rib pigeon. Ribeon.”

“Yeah, I got it. That’s disgusting btw.”