Being a disabled superhero was tough sure, but it also meant you never had to worry about your secret identity being discovered. Of course, you bet able-bodied superheros never faced their enemy out of costume as that villainous bastard awkwardly tried to move you out of the range of fire  without hurting or offending you. It’s not fair that evil can be sweet.

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“What if i killed your ex and scattered xir intestines across the parliament building.” said the villian, idly flipping through the heroes phone “Seriously, why did you date xir? What a dick.”

The hero threw a pillow at the villain “No murder. And give me back my phone, asshole.”

“Oh for the love of god, stop snivelling.” the hero snaps, running a napkin over the villains tear-stained face. “I’ll help you get your lover back. So focus– I need my strategic advisor.”

“I can’t believe you tried to kill me.” the hero said. “I thought we were friends?”

The villain gave the hero an incredulous look.

“I have a scrapbook!”

“You’d make a scrapbook of your aunts battle with pancreatic cancer, that doesn mean anything.”

“So what?” The hero snaps, grasping the villains hands tightly “Everyone struggles at first! Don’t worry, we’ll get your powers under control together!”

The villain gave a watery smile, wrinkly xir noise as the stench of burned flesh rose from the hero’s hands, burning because of xir incompetence.

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-”I enjoy it,” the torture smiles “I love the tears, the gore, the smell. All of it. Hedonism in it’s finest.”

-”There’s such beauty in the world!” the hero turns, grinning widely at the villain “There is such good and beauty all around us. All I’ve ever wanted is to make more of it.”

The villain smiles tiredly at the hero. It wasn’t fair that someone so good was already doomed to die.

-”I’m gonna climb that like a tree.”

“The nymph?”

“Yeah. It’s funny, right?”

-Every morning when you wake up, you check the mirror and see something staring back at you from inside your eyes. There’s no name for it, no words to describe it, but you know who it is. And you refuse to be afraid.

-”Listen, xe is very small, and very soft. Xe likes you, for some unknown reason, so I’m sure there’s something good in you somewhere. Be good to xir, child, or i will destroy you.”

-”People like to figure that in a threesome, at least one of us is responsible. Nope- we’re all just different shades of batshit.”

-”Doesn’t that hurt.”

“Better than the pain of complacency.”

-”Somehow, I don’t think I’m going to offer the rescue you desire. I can kill you here, where you stand, or let you go and watch as something else comes along to rip you to shreds. Which one do you want.”

-”I won’t die here. I won’t.”

“You’ll continue on, then?”

“I’ll get it done.”

“You should let me paint your nails.”

“You do realize we’re meant to be having an epic showdown, right? Wouldn’t want the heroes to know?”

“Same for your villains you fuck, I’m just saying.”

“We’re organizing an attack! It’ll be on that museum, you know the one.” the villain says urgently. Over the phone, the hero can hear the sounds of the other villains milling about, most likely gearing themselves up.

“When?”

“Now, pretty much.”

“I don’t have time to alert the other heros.”

“Then make time- there’s no way you can face all of us alone.”

“I’ve never once been afraid of you!” snaps the hero. “We’re allies, aren’t we? Friends? I’m not going to leave over this!”

The villain pants heavily, powers traveling across xir skin in dangerous, uncontrollable arcs. Xe doesn’t want to hurt the hero- xir friend- but xe doesn’t know how to make it stop.

The hero steps forward, reaching out xir hand “Please. I trust you won’t hurt me. Let me help.”

“There’s no such thing as heroes, my dear. But there are monsters.”

“Then I won’t let you be a monster alone.”