“Where’s the joke? I expected that to end off with a joke but you’re just leaving it on the emotional gut-punch I guess.”

“You know what they say, comedy is just horror with a punchline.”

The siren’s eyes were black and glassy. Very little light reflected off them- more like empty pits than pools of glass.

“Hello,” says the hero chosen by no one “I’m here to help.”

“You’ll drown trying,” warns the siren “but follow me, unwanted one.”

“Everything’s going to be okay.”

“Source?”

“I’m an oracle, you loon, now follow me.”

“Are you okay?”

“No, but I will be now that you’re here,” xe lies sweetly, carefully concealing a small blade in xir palm  Shame things must end this way.

“Maybe I just plain old don’t want to die.”

“Lame. Don’t be a coward. At some zest to your fears.”

“Dude, you cried the last time a goose looked at you!”

“Yeah! That? Hilarious and fun! Fear of dying? Plain and overdone.”

“Nothing happened.”

“What do you mean nothing happened? [X], you’re bleeding.”

“I mean nothing happened. Nothing at all.” xe says, dead eyed “Nothing happened.”

What happened, of course, was this;

“Have you learned nothing from this journey, friend?”

“I’ve learned you aren’t my friend.”

“Welcome to my home friends, associates, cherished enemies.”

“Do you cherish your friends or just your enemies?”

“I adore my friends but i cherish the lessons my enemies teach me, such as the fact that none of them will leave my word choice alone and I’d better improve my vocabulary.”

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“Nobody panic,” xe shouts, panicking.

“We’re not,” says the other person in the room, frowning “Literally, you are the only one panicking [X], what the heck.”

“What an asshole. A real bastard. I love xir.”