“Fear not, innocent human! I have to come to rescue you from the evil clutches of the dread vampire. No longer will you have to fear that ze will drink your blood in the night!”

“…But what if I want hir to drink my blood in the night?”

“Something is wrong.” says the witch.

“Hn?” grunts the vampire “It’s three in the morning, go back to bed.”

“Something is wrong.” insists the witch “Wake up, we need to check the shoppe.”

Down below, in under a table in the storeroom, a curse begins to take shape.

“How do you do, small dog?” the vampire grins

The alpha werewolf makes a disgruntled face “You’re shorter than me,” ey signs “And I am not dog. I am alpha.”

“If I’m teethy dog of all things, you’re small dog.”

“Dogs!”

“Dogs!”

“Dogs!”

“Dogs!”

Over on the other end of the shoppe, the witch was soothing an irate customer, who was unsure what the werewolf and vampire were doing.

“No,” says the witch “They aren’t making rude gestures at you. They’re using sign language. Seriously, nobody cares about you, random human.”

“I can’t believe I’m saying this out loud,” says the witch “No, that’s a lie. You’re both goblin children and I should have expected this.”

“[Witch]-” starts the vampire, but the witch raises a hand to cut zir off.

“If you two are going to date, there is no tomfoolery in my shop,” says the witch sternly.

“We’re not dating! You’re misinterpreting the situation!” says the vampire desperately.

The alpha werewolf frowns “You don’t find me desirable?” ey signs “I thought we had something special.”

“Where’s the dog,” asks the alpha “Dog dog dog! [Witch] says you have a new dog for me.”

“No!” protests the vampire, holding the puppy to zir chest “My dog!”

The alpha squints.

“No fighting over puppies in my shoppe,” says the witch from where xe’s been pretending to be asleep “Hand over the puppy, [Vampire].”

“You got to keep the dragon!”

“Yeah, ‘cause the dragon is a dragon and I’m an adult.”

“I’m an adult.” the vampire pouts.

“Are you really, though?”

“You’re not going to die,” says the witch “You’re already dead. Duh.”

“You aren’t very nice,” frowns the vampire “I’m afraid of heights.”

“I noticed. We’re twenty feet up. Just go for it.”

They’re standing on the middle-height diving board. [Alpha], in all eir alpha-ness had rented out a pool for the pack to use without worry of being a bunch of rowdy werewolves in public.

“I’m just going to climb down-” the vampire starts, only to be blocked by the witch’s hand. Xe is fully dressed, rings, layered robes, shoes and all.

“[Vampire]. Jump off the fucking diving board.”

“Kiss me?” signs the alpha

The witch blinks in surprise “Kiss you? Absolutely not.”

The alpha frowns, disgruntled “But witch, I am very cute, and you are very cute. I saw this in a book. Several books.”

“[Witch] and [Alpha], sitting in a tree!” the vampire hoots.

“Did you put eir up to this?” demands the witch.

“No, we’re not going to play that game,” frowns the witch “I’m not allowing this. It’s not allowed. I refuse.”

“But [Witch],” whines the vampire, holding the puppy closer to zir face “look at the puppy, [Witch], look how cute the puppy is.”

“We’ll take it to [Alpha]’s later.”

“But!”

“No buts,” says the witch “I already have my quota of strays allowed in the shoppe. You can stay. The puppy will go.”