“Hey, uh. Completely hypothetical question, but. How mad would you be if I came home with a tiger.”

“Now that I have the ability to send you things directly, I feel like a cat that figured out guns and brings home eighty mice a day.”

“Why are you standing on my toilet?”

“Cuz get it? I’m high on pot.”

“How long have you been here waiting for me to piss?”

“What day is it?”

“You’re dead to me.”

“I’m dead to everyone. That’s how ghosts work.”

“Thomas Edison invented the lightbulb and yet we call ourselves lit.”

“When did you sleep last?”

“Somewhere in the ‘last week’ range.”

“Yeah, well, the magician’s a narc.”

“I am going to snap your neck and fling your corpse into the sun.”

“Is this still about the rice?”

“I… am totally fine.”

“Oh, is that why you’re bleeding from every orifice in your face?”

“Buddy, you’ve got all the sex appeal of a car fire.”

“Flaming hot?”

“Hard to watch.”

“You can’t use the hamster as a lightsaber, Sam!”