“Are you serious?” ey demanded, hands on hips. “All over the salad bar?”

The siren’s eyes were black and glassy. Very little light reflected off them- more like empty pits than pools of glass.

“Hello,” says the hero chosen by no one “I’m here to help.”

“You’ll drown trying,” warns the siren “but follow me, unwanted one.”

“I’m in love with you,” xe says “Which is very unfortunate for me because you’re kind of a terrible person.”

 

“C-sections.” say the soon to be parent “It’s not delivery- it’s digiorno!”

“Are you sure you’re not the father,” asks xir partner wryly “That was terrible.”

“Gender is a lie. Like trigonometry.” says the mathematician “Your homework is to figure out a formula for calculating gender based on anything but the human body.”

“What the fuck,” say the students.

“I don’t… how do I say this… like you.”

“Ouch.”

“Are you… okay?”

“Do I look okay?” xe asked. Xe looked flawless- perfectly dressed, with expertly applied cosmetics, shoulders back spine straight.

“No.”

“Are you okay? You seem a little down.”

“No, I’m fine. I’m just on my menses. Unrelated but do you have any chocolate. Please.”

“Face it, asshole, you’re stuck with me until we get out of here.”

“Don’t underestimate my willingness to die just to spite you.”

“Eat my ass.”

“Says the assless person.”