“I’m in love with you,” xe says “Which is very unfortunate for me because you’re kind of a terrible person.”

 

“C-sections.” say the soon to be parent “It’s not delivery- it’s digiorno!”

“Are you sure you’re not the father,” asks xir partner wryly “That was terrible.”

“You’re going to be okay,” says the immortal to xir dying lover “It’s going to be okay. You’ll be fine. I know little of the world of the dead. But I know it is kind.”

“To be without you is a grave cruelty indeed,” smiles xir lover weakly “I’ll come back for you. In another lifetime.”

“In my only lifetime,” xe agrees “I’ll see you again.”

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“It took xir forever to learn how to walk when you were a baby, did you know that?”

X groaned and buried xir face in xir hands. “Parent, I’m sure Y doesn’t want to hear about -”

“No, go on,” xir datemate said, grinning. “This sounds interesting.”

“I send all the people I’m interested in flirting with dog pics.”

“…Dog pics.”

“Yeah! Everyone likes dogs. And if they don’t I know we can’t date because I’m a werewolf.”

“Is the dog you’re sending them pictures of you or-”

“Maybe.”

“Are you nervous?”

“About getting married? To the most wonderful person in the world? Of course not. Excited, though. A new beginning.”

“I love you to death, darling.”

“The emphasis there makes that statement seem moderately threatening.”

“<3″

“That’s not helpful.”

“It is what it is.”

“You shaved your head! It looks nice!”

“Thanks I want everyone within eyesight to know I’m gay.”

“Rainbow eyeliner. That’s how i met my datemate.”

“We’re going to be fine, dear.”

“What if we aren’t?”

“Well, then we’re dead. But there’s not much worth in fixating on that.”

“We’re married.”

“That doesn’t count we were undercover!”

“It counts to me,” xe sniffs dramatically “I’m deeply in love with you!”

“Will you pay for the food then?”

“Absolutely not.”