i am all god
also this shit is my shit. i loooveeee ooey gooey killers
since you said ‘parent’ i’ll be using ‘guardian’ and ‘guard’ instead of mom or dad, and ze for guard and xe for victims
-”Now dear, why don’t you go to the kitchen and see if the nice person has any orange juice? Guardians just going to have a chat with xir.” Guardian says with a syrupy smiles, sending the child off. “Now, either you give me something to take back to my boss, or I pull your teeth out.”
-Somehow, the sight of a debt collector with a toddler on zir shoulders was actually scarier than a debt collector alone. Guardian figured this was because everyone knows how vicious parents can get. Or maybe just zir- everyone knows there’s only one debt collector who takes a child around. So ze smiled and smiled and said “Hello. I’m here on the behalf of [mafia] and watched the colour drain from zir victims faces as they caught a glimpse of [child].
-”Baby, why don’t you tell me what I should take from this nice person instead of xir money?”
“Language! My baby’s present!” ze snapped, embedding a thin knife in [victim]’s ribcage.
-”Fuck!” shrieked the child delightedly “Fuck! Fuck! Fuck!”
[victim] laughed nervously, eyeing the doorway where the kids Guardian had gone through. Hopefully ze didn’t think [victim] had taught the kid those words.
-”My guard’s the best guard!” said the child earnestly, crouching down next to the bleeding victim “You should say sorry! Guard always says that apologies are important.”
-[Mafia] wouldn’t be too pleased at losing another client, but really. [Victim] had sealed xir fate the moment xe reached for zir child. Ze wouldn’t let anything happen to zir child.
-”I can’t believe you brought your child into this.”
“My kids got more honour and cunning than you, dickhead. Where’s the fucking money?”
-”Shit.” said [victim], opening the door to the smiling faces of Guard and zir baby. “Shit. I’m so dead.”
“Just a little.” Guard agreed.”