“Hey, X, you know the superhero, right?”
“Um, you could say that, why do you ask?”
“Well… do you think. Um. This is embarrassing. Xe’s just so handsome and charming… Do you think xe, you know, likes me?”
Secret identities are the absolute worst. “Yeah, I – I mean. I think so,” X says, and tries to avoid shrieking with shock and happiness, which would be unhelpful in maintaining said secret identity. “You could say that.”
“X. I have a question.”
“Why are there fifty unattended children wandering through my hallways?”
“What? Sorry, could you repeat the question? I can’t hear you over the-”
“Over the children. Screaming. Of course.”
“Have you considered trying to lose weight?” X asked, eyeing Y with thinly-veiled contempt. “I worry about you. About your health.”
“You know, I would,” Y said, so earnestly it could only be sarcasm. “But unfortunately, I’m just too god damn sexy.”
“I know you’re new to having a human form, so if you need anything, just ask,” X says, earnestly.
“I do have one request,” Y says, frowning solemnly.
“Oh! Go for it.”
“I am only very new to having flesh, but I have heard of this human thing called kissing. Could you demonstrate for me?”
X goes bright red, covering xir face with xir hands. “Oh my gods, um, I, haha, uh, I don’t, know how to demonstrate that for you.”
“Oh,” Y says. “Maybe I should be the one demonstrating to you?”
“Mom, Dad… I have something to tell you. I know it’s against your religion, but I am hoping that you’ll be able to look past it and accept me for who I am, even if you don’t agree with it.”
“Oh, God, you’re a homosexual, aren’t you?”
“I was going to say that I’m a witch, but you know what, that too.”
“Okay, hang on, how do you do magic if you never went to the Magical Academy?”
“Well, when you have nameless gods whispering dark secrets into your dreaming mind for years on end, magic isn’t that complicated to reverse-engineer.”
“This is kind of a “don’t notice me” spell. It’s not invisibility, but it’ll mean that people won’t be able to keep you in their thoughts or notice anything out of the ordinary about you, as long as you’re wearing the necklace.”
X takes it in reverent hands, eyes wide. In a soft, awed voice, xe says, “I am going to do. So many crimes.”
“Okay, I changed my mind, give it back-”
“You don’t have to tiptoe around me like I’m made of glass,” X snarls, and xir eyes glitter with unshed tears.
“X…” Y says, helplessly.
“I’m made of glass,” says the android in the room, helpfully. There’s an awkward pause. “Only partially, though. My optics and all that. It’s reinforced glass.”
“Thank you for inviting me to dinner, X, it’s very kind of you. What kind of meat did you say this was, again?”
“It’s human,” X says, and smiles slowly, anticipating the look of shock and horror on xir guest’s face.
“Oh, neat,” Y says, unfazed, and takes another bite. Hir teeth seem sharper than before, and hir eyes bottomless dark. The room seems smaller, and for the first time since X started xir killings, xe feels a stirring of fear. “It’ll make a nice appetizer.”
“This is cheating,” X says, with an air of vague indignation. “It’s illegal.”
“I have no sympathy for you,” Y says, pointedly sipping from xir glass.
“Ze wasn’t supposed to smile at me, how am I supposed to resist that? It’s so unfair.”
“You are. So stupid.”