thank you so much for the ko-fi elliot!!

– “I think I’m being haunted.” xe whispers furiously “Everything keeps moving around when I’m not looking! And I’ve been hearing knocking noises.”

“And you jumped to ‘i’m being haunted by ghosts’?”

“Yeah,” says agrees ghost “Could be your cats.”

-”Aww shit.” says the ghost “I dropped my book. :(”

“How did you make that sound with your mouth?”

“When you die you gain the ability to say emojis out loud, but only if you did enough meme-related activities. Can you pick up my book, please.”

– The specters mouth opened. And opened. And opened. Xir jaw seemed to positively unhinge at xir shoulders, and xir mouth was full of jagged, black teeth.

“I know we’re about to die,” [X] whispers furiously, gripping [Y]’s arm so tight that xir bones creak together “But damn that’s so fucking cool.”

-”How did you die?”

The ghost blinks “There’s three pieces of astral rebar piercing my chest, how do you think?

-”My one goal in life was to figure out how to bake the perfect cinnamon bun,” says the ghost wistfully “But I died.”

The ghost hunter clasps xir hands together fiercely “Don’t worry! I will help you achieve your dream! And then you can move on naturally!”

“Wha-” splutters the other, more practical ghost hunter “Don’t you know how fucking hard baking cinnamon buns is?”

“Really!?” asks the ghost excitedly, ignoring the other ghost hunter “You will?’

“Of course!” says the first ghost hunter, also ignoring the other hunter.

-A zombie, a lich, a ghost, and a ghoul walk into a bar. Everyone inside screams in terror and leaves.

“That was incredibly rude,” complains the ghost “We should file a human rights complaint.”

“Hate to break it to you,” says the ghoul who is stealing all of the soda “but we’re not human.”