“Well, aren’t you pretty? Oh don’t look at me like that- I don’t plan on hurting you. But I’m enjoying the opportunity to do so, nonetheless. You are such a swooning damsel, little bird.” there, the villain pauses to smile “Fortunately, I’m rather fond of you.”

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“I am not a good, obedient little bird for you to throw around and take your anger out on. I am vicious vengeance and hatred and- I never learned to be good, but we both know that I could never be taught to be evil. So,” says one villain to the other “I will help you only so long as you respect me, dammit.”

“There’s nothing wrong with wanting better.”

“Huh?”

“This- you’re struggling. You were raised in violence and death, both against you and carrying it out. I know you’re struggling to do better, better, being gentle and kind and helpful. But that’s okay. You want better. And you’re trying. We’ll help you.”

“And, I mean, I know we’re all monsters at best, but did xe really have to try and kill us on sight? We were eating! It was a date! Who interrupts dates?”

“You’re kind of adorable when you’re sleeping. Makes it hard to remember we’re like, mortal enemies or whatever dramatic bullshit.”

“Listen, it’s been a bit of  day for me, okay? I’m just a waitrex! And it turns out my politest regular is a goddamned super villain!”