Please, please forgive me you want to beg, but you are not really deserving of forgiveness, are you? You are a monster and the way your heart rots and falls apart with every beat, the way the butterflies in your stomach curdle and burn is only proof of that. You are a monster and so you do not beg for forgiveness- you prove yourself unworthy of it so your friends will not guilt their condemnation.
And perhaps there is something crawling in between your ribs, but all you feel is grace. God’s blessing or perhaps not god but a Fallen one, it does not matter the a blight creature like yourself because you are only what it is you pretend to be. You are void and rot and sin and you are endless.
Your skin begins to flake away with only sulfur underneath, and there was a crow in your throat spitting hatred for those who harmed you, urging you closer and closer to the good things, though to do the good things, you knew you had to enter the bad. The crow in your throat didn’t want to be good- xe wanted to be safe.
There’s been a good run of it, and the words don’t make sense as you stare at your mentors lips, the burning thing xe placed in you ribcage growing thorns and barricading inside of your heart. There’s pain, yes, but mostly hatred and you want to scream what have you done to me?
-”I enjoy it,” the torture smiles “I love the tears, the gore, the smell. All of it. Hedonism in it’s finest.”
-”There’s such beauty in the world!” the hero turns, grinning widely at the villain “There is such good and beauty all around us. All I’ve ever wanted is to make more of it.”
The villain smiles tiredly at the hero. It wasn’t fair that someone so good was already doomed to die.
-”I’m gonna climb that like a tree.”
“Yeah. It’s funny, right?”
-Every morning when you wake up, you check the mirror and see something staring back at you from inside your eyes. There’s no name for it, no words to describe it, but you know who it is. And you refuse to be afraid.
-”Listen, xe is very small, and very soft. Xe likes you, for some unknown reason, so I’m sure there’s something good in you somewhere. Be good to xir, child, or i will destroy you.”
-”People like to figure that in a threesome, at least one of us is responsible. Nope- we’re all just different shades of batshit.”
-”Doesn’t that hurt.”
“Better than the pain of complacency.”
-”Somehow, I don’t think I’m going to offer the rescue you desire. I can kill you here, where you stand, or let you go and watch as something else comes along to rip you to shreds. Which one do you want.”
-”I won’t die here. I won’t.”
“You’ll continue on, then?”
“I’ll get it done.”
The birds circled ‘round the field again and again, a never ending spiral of eerie wingbeats and muffled cries, a never ending reminder of the bloody battle once waged here and left the earth so stained, no carrion eater could resist it’s thrall.
There was so much evil in the world, creeping grey sludge that tried to over take the sun. But every time you looked at xir, it was like watching the clouds clear and you could feel hope thrum in your chest. You may be a being of viscera and hatred, but there was good in you too, because you could see the good in xir.
There is not enough time because of course there isn’t, a slurry of blame and doubt falling into the town so much like rain. There are people dying, people missing, slaughtered sheep corpses staining the graveyard. You’ve got blood caked under your nails and scales itching their way up your hip and you know, you know, you know there is something rotten here.
There is something like hatred bubbling in your gullet as you stare into the eyes of a stranger. You keep your customer service smile firmly tacked on, moving xir items through the checkout, acting as normal as you can while rage courses through your system. It doesn’t make any sense- you don’t know this person, no matter how familiar the edge of xir smile seems to be. But something inside of you, something mean and angry is telling you watch closely, the weight of a knife you can never remember holding like a phantom in your palms