“Does having kids just somehow activate some kind of ‘evil’ gene in people?”

“It’s illegal to wear our regalia-”

“It’s been illegal for years- twenty lashes, I don’t care! They won’t take this from us!”

“It’s not lashes anymore- Any military member can but a bullet through your eyes just for your sash!”

“Oh yeah, I’m into BDSM. Beautiful Dogs Surrounding Me all the way.”

“Well, corsets are his favourite, after all.”

“… What on earth is going on over there?”

“Oh, those are just the linguistics majors.”

“Is this… a collar?”

“Yeah?”

“Is this you- You don’t have a dog? I mean-”

“I’m a fucking dog-shifter, you ass. Do you know how embarrassing it is to be taken in by the SPCA?”

“Honestly, being a shapeshifter makes dating a lot more difficult than you might expect.”

“Really? Can’t you make yourself, like, super hot?”

“Yeah, but mostly I get messages from people who want me to imitate celebrities, or cat girls or whatever.”

“Gross.”

“You don’t know the half of it.”

“Listen, if you want to know what’s going on, maybe consider not screaming wildly every time an [agency] member appears.”

“WHY DON’T YOU HAVE SKIN??”

“This is the first time I’ve worn a real bra in months. It’s been sports bras and binders since February.” 

“Skookum!”

“WHAT THE FUCK?”