“What’s this?” the asexual asked.

The biologist crossed xir arms. “Salt,” xe said. “Several bags of salt. Now please stop tormenting [spirit] so ze will stop haunting me.”

“What about tears?” the asexual asked curiously. “Do those work?”

“Literally just buy salt,” the spirit signed. “Please. I’m begging you.”

“Does pee have enough salt in it to repel Fae?” the asexual asked.

“Even if it does, it’s not worth it,” the spirit signed.

“You know, one day you’re going to miss me.”

The asexual glowered at the elder god as xe cleaned the blood out of xir pillowcase. “I seriously fucking doubt it.”

“Why are you…” the botanist waved a hand at the asexual. “That?”

The asexual sighed. “Do you mean ‘talking to thin air’, ‘wearing two-day-old clothes’, or ‘hauling around a cauldron’?”

“I was kind of referring to being covered in blood, but those are good questions too.”

“I make it a point not to get involved in other peoples’ business,” the asexual said. “But maybe I’ll make an exception. Just this once.”

The spirit beamed.

The asexual collapsed on the couch and fell asleep within seconds.

The spirit, who did not need to sleep, floated awkwardly nearby and wondered if dogs could see ghosts.

“Last week my biggest concern was getting enough hours to pay my rent,” the asexual pointed out. “Now I’m on the run from multiple deities and talking to a spirit nobody else can see.”

The spirit shrugged. “But you don’t have to pay rent anymore,” xe signed.

“Yes, because my apartment burned down.”

“Cernunnos wants blood,” the spirit informs the asexual, worry making their hands stutter.

“Tell him to get in line,” the asexual griped. “Or raid an actual blood bank instead of treating me like one. Actually no, don’t do that, he’d probably break it – ”

“Witchcraft, you say?” the asexual asked, intrigued despite zirself. “Why?”

“You need to protect yourself,” the spirit signed. “And you don’t need to go looking for virgin blood.”

The asexual scowled. “You know as well as I do that’s not what that means — “