“Something wrong, love?”

“No. Yes. What if we’re doing a bad thing?”

“We’re doing as the Goddex bids of us.”

“What if the Goddex is wrong?”

“Why ‘the hero chosen by no one’? Why not ‘the hero chosen by xirself’?”

“Well,” says the hero chosen by no one “Because if I’m being honest, I wouldn’t want me to be the hero, either. But who else is gonna do it?”

“I’d like to remind you that I am not your friend.”

“I’m aware, yes. You’re going to kill me once we complete the prophecy.”

“Sure am. So you should stop dropping your guard around me. I’m not someone you should be trusting.”

“I can trust you all I like until we complete the prophecy~”

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“It’s you?” snarls the mercenary ”You’re my Fate?”

The red string is stretched taut between their two hands.

“Well fuck,” says the other mercenary  “I want you to know that I still intend to kill you if you don’t stand down, Fate be damned.”

“Hey,” says the harbinger of the apocalypse “You here to kill me?”

“You will bring about the world’s end!”

“Nah,” says the harbinger “I’m just here to give you a warning. Ever hear of ‘don’t shoot the messenger’? Believe me, you’re going to want to have a messenger.”

“Okay,” says the hero chosen by no one “Shall we?”

“Pretty sure we’re supposed to kill each other,” frowns the enemy chosen by the gods “But sure. How does this work?”

“We’re gonna jump off the cliff and whoever can do the most flips before hitting the water wins.”

The enemy gives xir a look “You are trying to kill me.”

“You look lonely,” smiles the hero chosen by no one “Want a friend?”

“Fuck,” says the enemy, chosen by the gods “It’s you.”

“I am the hero chosen by no one!” says the hero, who was indeed chosen by no one. If you asked someone who they thought would make a good hero, the answer would probably be ‘anyone but [X]’. Not that [X] is a bad person. Just altogether a little rowdy.

“Radical. I’m the fisherman, chosen by my parents.” says the fisherman “Any chance you’re willing to do me a favour, hero?”

“Sure am!”

“You make it sound like there’s going to be a calamity if we don’t manage to kill this random ass person.” xe snorts “This just in, one dipshit isn’t going to cause the End Times. It’s like, two dozen dipshits with billions of dollars. Not some random ass fucker who can’t afford to replace xir shoes- look, they’ve been duct taped!”

”You know not who xe is-”

“Don’t care. Fix the Goddamn energy sector, then we’ll talk.”

“Do I look like the kind of fool who just does things because someone asked me too?”

“Dude, you literally decided to become the prophesied hero despite like, being a sandy merchant gremlin, because the actual hero was dead and you were like ‘well why not’.”