“Do I look like the kind of fool who just does things because someone asked me too?”

“Dude, you literally decided to become the prophesied hero despite like, being a sandy merchant gremlin, because the actual hero was dead and you were like ‘well why not’.”

“I know I’m not the one you want.” says the hero chosen by no one “You’re waiting for xir, for the hero chosen by the goddex. The one who wielded you during the End. But xe’s not coming.”

The sword gleams dully in the fading light. The not-hero swallows nervously.

“I’m not xir. But I am here.” ze says, closing a hand around the hilt “Is that enough?”

“You’re going to get yourself killed,” says the princex “Only the hero chosen by the goddex can-”

“Yeah? Well xe’s dead,” says the hero chosen by no one “I’m not. I’m here. I’m going to do my fucking best and I’ll die knowing I tried. What are you doing, huh? Waiting? Hoping someone else will do something?”

The princex gives zir an assessing look “You mean to go through with this.”

“I’m not here to fuck spiders, am I?”

“What do you have,” sneers the monster “The hero chosen by the Goddex had Courage, the power to slay any being. You’re just a little child. No Courage, no Wisdom, no Power. What do you have?”

The hero chosen by exactly no one gives the monster a bright smile “A can-do attitude and a lot of swords.”

“Okay, theoretically,” says the not-god-chosen hero to xir friend (who maybe also happens to be in the process of devoting zirself to the goddex) “What I went to find the god chosen hero,”

“Okay,” says the friend “Where is this going?”

“I’m getting there, shh, anyway. What if I went to find eir. And then stole eir shit and took eir job?”

“[X] what the fuck did you do?”