“Okay,” says the hero chosen by no one “Shall we?”

“Pretty sure we’re supposed to kill each other,” frowns the enemy chosen by the gods “But sure. How does this work?”

“We’re gonna jump off the cliff and whoever can do the most flips before hitting the water wins.”

The enemy gives xir a look “You are trying to kill me.”


“I am the hero chosen by no one!” says the hero, who was indeed chosen by no one. If you asked someone who they thought would make a good hero, the answer would probably be ‘anyone but [X]’. Not that [X] is a bad person. Just altogether a little rowdy.

“Radical. I’m the fisherman, chosen by my parents.” says the fisherman “Any chance you’re willing to do me a favour, hero?”

“Sure am!”

“I’m going to kill you,” xe snarls “I’m going to rip you limb from limb!”

“Nah,” says the hero chosen by no one, skipping back “Pretty sure they plan is for you to die, actually.”

(things don’t always go to plan but)

(well, no ones managed to rip the hero’s limbs off yet so)

“Listen here, shitstick,” says the hero chosen by no one threateningly “I am the Hero chosen by-”

“No one. I know who you are.” says the royal guard, sounding exhausted

Me! I am the hero chosen by me and I say I can pass.” says the hero because whoops there goes lying about being divine for privileges.

“If I let everyone who said they wanted to speak to the Royal Family pass just because they wanted to, I’d be out of a job.”

“Yeah, well I could always,” the hero breaks off and sprints for the castle gate.

“It’s just- you don’t really have the personality for heroism.” says xir friend “You know you’re very- you.”

“What’s that supposed to mean,” frowns the hero chosen by no one “I’m nice! My entire business module is ‘hey! need a favour?’”

“You’re very- brash. And sarcastic. kind of rude. Last week you called the high priestex ‘Old Dude [X]’.”

“Ze’s old.”