“This is the first time I’ve worn a real bra in months. It’s been sports bras and binders since February.” 

“Skookum!”

“WHAT THE FUCK?”

Your name is [X] and you’re on a divine mission. The Gods have chosen you personally to carry out this task. You find yourself unprepared, but willing to give it your all, but first… you need a team.

The mission? Make out with your datemate in the kitchen of every homophobic politician in the country and post pictures online for proof. Stealing their pets is optional, but recommended.

“I mean, the Gods told me too, so we gotta babe.”

“Oh, well if it’s sanctioned, that’s another story. C’mere.”

“What do you think about a blue heeler? They’re high energy, but we could do it.”

“..What?”

“Blue heeler? To adopt?”

“Now isn’t really the time, dear.”

“There’s always time for dogs.”

“Not when we’re in imminent danger of being eaten by the rotting undead, dear.”

“I thought this was just a delivery?”

“Okay, so don’t be mad?”

“What’s with the skulls?”

“I think they’re neat?”

“Give me a second to get that sweet, sweet depersonalization going.”

“Seriously, do you need to go to a psychologist? I think it’s covered n your tuition.”

“I think I’m funny?”

“You’re not.”

“>:3″

“This is a verbal conversation??”

“No. Bad. Put it down.”

“But-”

“NO IT’S CLASS TIME PUT THE BOOK DOWN.”